warning to everyone out there: whiny post ahead.
alright, let the whining commence...
I. HATE. ENGLISH.
the thing is, i really don't hate it. it's actually one of the classes i like most, after math (because it's easy) and history (because when i try i can understand it). but for some reason, i can't seem to do well. the best i've done all year is an A-/B+. god forbid i should get a solid grade. and i know i'm being whiny, and that there are people in my english classes who would love to get an A-/B+ grade, but right now i'm annoyed. because i just got back my merchant of venice essay and got a B- that b�ch bumped up to a B because she felt bad about giving it back to me so late and making it hard to rewrite.
apparently i had some sort of odd reading retention failure going on within the multiple synapses of my brain stem (i don't think that even works biologically, but whatever.)-- meaning that when i read things, i don't completely process and retain the information. which means that when i go to write my essays, for some reason i get the actions and events wrong. like, just plain
wrong. i'm not joking, b�ch actually told me this. this SUCKS MAJOR ASS. i thought i was done with school, i was all excited, and then it turns out that in addition to studying for four finals this weekend, i have to re-write an english paper and write out plot summaries of all the plays we've read just to make sure i haven't gotten any of the major events mixed up. i can't even tell you what a blow to my ego this is, not to mention the fact that it just makes this whole weekend ten times harder.
and now i'm all freaked out because i want to take two lewis classes next year, and if i can't get a good grade in a b�ch class, i'm going to DIE in a lewis class. not that b�ch is easy, she's just easy in comparison to lewis. or so i've heard. and how the hell am i going to live in college??? that's like, 400 pages of reading a week. if i can't "retain" that information well enough, i'm just going to flunk out. that's it, i'm going to flunk out of college.
and before anyone gets all worried, i know that i'm not
really going to fail college. it just feels like it right now, because i'm at a point where everything is going to take so much more work and i'm so tired to begin with that i don't want to deal with it. shit.
it just sucks, because as many good ideas as i have in the fucking class, it seems as if when i write it down they just come out all confused and wrong. and even if i really do having something great to say, i just can't say it well enough for b�ch to get it. and the thing is, i
know i'm a good writer. it's not that, it's just... i feel like i'm getting
worse. someone please tell me how that works.
why couldn't i have just been done?? that's all i really wanted for today... a little peace and relaxation...
alright, end whining session now. thanks for listening.